a moment changes everything

Death reared its ugly head and has visited my family once again today. My cousin Nick, his wife Ruth, and his daughter Audrey were killed in a car accident just a few hours ago. Their 8-year old daughter, was flown to Primary Children's Hospital. Her condition, critical. In one single moment, an entire family lost their lives and another's hangs in the balance. Those of us left behind, especially parents and siblings are left with the bitterly painful questions of "Why? How? For what purpose?" Still in shock, I keep wanting to call the hospital to see if they had made a mistake, to see if they are really sure. Maybe they made a mistake and it wasn't really them? I recognize the same thought process emerge as when my mom called about my dad, and when my sister called me about my Grandpa. It really doesn't sink in at first. Suddenly, my stomach begins to churn and my gag reflex kicks into gear. I hurry to the bathroom and throw up. Even now, I'm still fighting the urge to vomit. Adrenaline is still coursing through my veins and my actions and thoughts seem to stall on the simplest of tasks.

Death is a complex life event. The loss really doesn't sink in those first few moments, or days, or even weeks afterwards. Life goes on all around you, but you are stuck in time with a life that has changed dramatically--a life that will never be the same. You are missing a part of your earthly family. Never again, in this life, will you see them. They won't be a part of any family activity or important event. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries will forever be bitter sweet.

And then there is DJ, their oldest little girl, the sole survivor of a terrible, devastating accident. Her entire world was shattered today. She is, even now, fighting for her life. I don't know what the outcome will be. I don't know what I think. I am having a hard time even knowing what to feel. Life is so fragile. Time is so fleeting. A moment can change everything.