could it be worse?

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse."

"When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"

Penned by Coldplay these depressing words seem to speak to me. Intense and emotional by nature, I find meaning in life through relationships. Money, prestige, power, career, opportunity--everything the world deems as important seems to pale in comparison with an intimate attachment to another person. In my mind's eye, nothing is more important than a friend or a family member, another human being. Loyalty, even before self-preservation.

But life has taught me that few people share this. The natural instinct to take the easy road or to bail when things are tough usually overpowers any inclination to make a continued effort--to make a sacrifice. Holding others to this same standard could be thought of as impractical or a little rigid. Many make that argument. But for me, when push comes to shove, when it is time to hit the pavement, I will not deviate. A promise is a promise and nothing will cause me to go back on my word. I do not understand the other option.

And so these words caught hold of me. Losing those I love is one of the greatest challenges that I will ever face in this lifetime. It is crippling. But I cannot think of a greater "hell on earth" than having someone you love choose to leave, choose to walk away, choose to break promise upon promise. Loving someone--not necessarily romantically (but those relationships would absolutely qualify)--and having them throw it back in your face is devastating. Love completely wasted. History, experiences, and feelings disregarded. Disposed, just like that. Selective selfishness over sacrifice. I ask you, could anything be worse? My answer? NO.

Fix You
http://youtube.com/watch?v=r259kFx3l7g

so long summer

Finally, the city has blessed us with Fall. I cannot even begin to explain the personal gratification I feel from saying goodbye to hot and humid in exchange for cool and crisp. But before our three weeks of Fall disappear, I thought it only appropriate to recap the summer...well, at least part of it.

Jared Dahl--an icon in New York City for the last four years left us this summer to move onto "greener pastures" in Southern California. Jared really deserves his own blog of a tribute, but we will settle for a portion of one. Jared was an integral part of the whole "system" out here. Making "statements" left and right, preventing the ward from collapsing upon itself, and philosophizing about life in all its complexities were some of his greatest talents. Additionally, Jared was and is a true friend to all who knew him. Serving and sacrificing behind the scenes, Jared enriched the lives of those around him. Needless to say, we missed him when he left and we are still missing him even now. (Jared is the one in the 2nd row in the middle.) And as this sounds similar to that of a eulogy, let me just clarify that he is alive and well...last time I heard from him at least.

Sometimes, I just love my job!

One of the perks about non-profits is that they are usually generous with their vacation days. As has been tradition since I moved here, I go home every July for a good chunk of time. While there, I went to a luau that my brother and sister performed at. Oh, how I miss the Polynesian culture. New York city is basically devoid of all things Polynesian. Why am I here again?

Here are more pictures of the visit home. I love my family. (1) Me and Kat (2) James taking after my dad and practicing the fire knife dance. He's pretty good. (3) Me and mom at dinner (4) Grandma and me in Vernal (5/6) My cousin Greg's family....part of them anyway (7) a picture of my Grandpa when he was a little boy.

Sarah Swensen--Just as the beginning of summer started with an icon leaving, so will the summer end. Sarah Swensen, another vital organ to the city's makeup will be leaving us on Monday for adventures unmeasured. Starting in Senegal then moving onto Mali, Sarah will be spending the remainder of the year in Africa. A love of adventure and a desire for a change prompted the overseas move. As with many, she will begin her new chapter of life in Northern California. Sarah is one of the kindest, most generous people I have ever met. She is one of the reasons I love this city as much as I do. I will sorely miss her laugh, her stories, her laughing at her own stories, her willingness to just hang out or experience a new adventure, her compassion, and simply her zest for life. She has become one of my dearest friends and I am truly sad to see her leave. We maximized the summer by walking the Brooklyn Bridge, watching the US Open at Madison Square Park, going to movies, having dinner, and just spending time together. I will miss my Malia and Sarah time desperately. Love you lots!

As indicated earlier in my blog, my family experienced a great tragedy. My cousin, his wife, and his youngest daughter were killed in a car accident leaving their 8-year-old daughter behind. I was fortunate enough to be able to fly home to be with the family. It's all still very surreal and our family is obviously left with a huge void. We are lucky, however, to have the knowledge that we do have of eternal families. But still, we miss them very much.

A little New York lovin'...

U.S. Open--Miss Livi first introduced me to the possibility of the US Open here in the city. I don't know why this is the first time that I have done this my entire four years of living here. It was so awesome. My dear friend Livi is a hoot and a holler and makes everything, and I mean everything, fun. We saw Serena Williams and Mr. Roger Federer (dreamy!) and even John McEnroe--someone I remember watching with my dad when I was little. As you can see, he is smiling for my picture. Isn't that nice? Needless to say, I had a blast and love tennis even more than I did before.

So that was my summer in all its glory. Here's to Fall!

1/2 + 1/2 = 1

The other day a kid came into my office to ask me for help with his homework. “Sure!” I said enthusiastically as he sauntered over to my desk. He put his backpack down and pulled out his math workbook. He opened it and there it was staring back at me—“Adding and Subtracting Fractions”. I looked over the worksheet, reading the instructions and searching frantically for a sample problem. But alas, there wasn’t any. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember how to do this simple math problem. I remember something about having to find the lowest common denominator, but even then, I couldn’t remember how to do it! Remembering that tutors don’t necessarily have to know the subject matter, I pulled out some “tutoring strategies” that I teach my mentors. I asked, “So, tell me about this problem. What are you supposed to do?” “I don’t know,” he responded. “Ok, well, what do you remember your teacher telling you about these kinds of problems? Do you remember anything that she wrote on the board?” “Nope.” Feeling desperate now, I asked, “Well, what do YOU think you are supposed to do?” “I don’t know, that’s why I came to you,” was his innocent reply.

It was at that point that I was grateful I was in front of a computer. We looked up “Adding and Subtracting Fractions” and figured out how to do the problems together and he went on his way. But there I was, a working professional with a Master’s degree, and I couldn’t do simple 6th grade math. I was mortified. Later that week I went to the store to buy a 6th grade math workbook. I’m proud to say that I can knock those babies off without much thought now.

Just in case any of you would like a little practice, here are two helpful websites:

Fact Monster
Scholastic