flaaames on the side of my face...

As a child I grew up on the both the game and movie Clue.  We loved the game and spent hours fighting and figuring out "who dunnit" and yes, sometimes there were casualties other than Mr. Peabody as a result of those ever-changing mysteries.  Still the same, we loved the game and as such, we loved the movie as well.  Many, many classic lines can be pulled from its archives but one that finds its way into my brain more often than you can find Obama addressing the nation on public television, was uttered by the "prudent" Mrs. White played by Madeline Kahn:


"It...it...the...fee..it...Flame. Flames!  Flaaaames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathle heaving breaths..."

Now very recently, I found myself living this expression a little more often than I'm accustomed to.  These were moments when I could actually feel the rage swirling within me, churning in my gut and surging upwards towards my face and through my eyeballs.

What caused these imaginary but all too real flames to ignite the sides of my face?  Well, it was the MTA, of course. 

Four times--count 'em--FOUR times within the last few weeks, I have been kicked off the train and forced to seek other modes of transportation.  At the height of morning rush hour or after a long day's work, a signal malfunction, a sick passenger, or a fire on the tracks have all interfered with my travel. 

Four Reasons Why I Rage:

1.  Other modes of transportation:  Let me clarify, other modes of transportation means walking or finding a bus or making your way across town to take another functioning train.  But mostly it means that you just have to walk.  If you have the money and the luck, you could also hail a cab.  The problem here, however, is that once you empty out an entire train load of passengers, every cab--yellow or otherwise--is immediately snatched up.  So not only are you terribly late for work and left in a most inconvenient spot, but also you are fighting hundreds of other passengers for that same overpriced ride. 

2.  Sick passengers:  I get the reason for caution when there is a malfunctioning train signal.  But I do NOT understand why the MTA insists on taking a train out of service when there is ONE sick passenger.  Wouldn't it make more sense to simply remove the passenger from the train, take them to safe and secure location, and assign a train personnel to stay with them until help arrives?  For the life of me, I cannot understand why they have to empty the entire train so that the passenger can be attended to more quickly.  You would think that it would be easier for an emergency response team to navigate an empty platform as opposed to one that is full of disgruntled passengers. 

3.  Out of service buses:  When a train is pulled out of service they sometimes set up shuttle buses as an alternative.  On one of these most recent episodes, the shuttle bus announcement was made.  Obediently, passengers filed out of the subway station and headed in both directions to find the nearest bus stop to wait in the rain.  The buses came, but not like you would expect.  Empty Bus #1:  Out of Service.  Empty Bus #2:  Out of Service.  Empty Bus #3:  Out of Service.  Empty Bus #4:  Out of Service.  Empty Bus #5:  Out of Service.  Jam-Packed Bus #6:  too full to let any new passengers on.  Empty Bus #7:  Out of Service.  I kid you not, out of 12 buses that passed us, only three stopped for passengers.  Two of them were too full to really allow anyone on.  

4.  Twice in one day:  On one lucky day, this happened to me on the way to work and on my travels home.  Yeah, I was not a happy commuter.


Yes there are positives to the MTA.  Sure I no longer have to look for parking.  Sure traveling here is much more inexpensive than owning my own car.  Sure I can read or close my eyes or just zone out if I want in the middle of my travels.  Sure its the greener way.  But sometimes MTA hell makes me want pack my bags and flee to a car friendly part of the world.