bears, beets, battlestar galactica

Oh, how I LOVE The Office!

"Identity theft is not a joke Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"

dad

For the last week or so, memories of my Dad have been floating around in my mind. Some come from triggers, others just as randomly as the weather here--but memories still the same. Sometimes the ache is intense, causing me to loose my train of thought or forcing me to pause. Other times it is fleeting and distraction takes me away.

I constantly struggle with "what if's" and "should have's" but know that I should not. They are pointless and counterproductive. But I still think them.

I just realized, as I am typing this, that I have no digital photos of my dad. Suddenly digital photos seem so impersonal. Maybe I'm trying to fool myself into believing that they are impersonal. It distances me from the distance that separates me and my dad; a coping mechanism, if you will. The last picture I have of him is over 7 years old. Seven years is a long time...too long, sometimes. And I have years and years ahead of me. Eternity seems a long way off.

There are a lot of things that I don't understand about life. There are a lot of things that I don't understand about my life. But I am grateful for the gospel and for the knowledge that it provides...especially the promise of eternal families. That should really suffice, right? Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. Luckily, my testimony, no matter how strong or weak, always prevails.

patty griffin

I am a new fan of Patty Griffin. I just went to her concert last week at the Beacon Theater and I had such a great time! I loved her voice! I loved her songs! I loved how everyone on stage was having so much fun. I was envious and inspired at the same time. Hillary was nice enough to invite me when her sister couldn't make the show. And boy am I glad!

http://www.pattygriffin.com/site.php?content=music

During the show the following thoughts kept running through my mind:

1. I want to be a singer/songwriter/performer too!
2. I love her bright red hair! I want to do something dramatic to mine.
3. See, you are not the only one to think of depressing lyrics/poems/writings...

And so I left with the following resolutions:

1. (a) I am going to buy a stand for my guitar so that I will see it and think to play.
(b) I am going to try my hand at writing lyrics...music will come after...way after.
(c) I need to sing more often--not just in the shower, while on the computer, or when washing the dishes.
2. I will settle for a trim.
3. I will try to see and understand the other side.

Bois frissonnants, ciel etoile

I had the greatest day ever yesterday! New York, though one of the most amazing cities in the world, is not really known for it's perfect weather. In fact, there are probably only 3 weeks of perfect weather in the spring and 3 perfect weeks in the fall. Considering my unusually high thermostat, one would think that New York's summer and winter months would force a girl like me out, but no, I stay...and will continue to stay until who knows when. Fortuntately, yesterday, was one of those perfect days. With beautiful weather on my side and great company, who could really ask for anything more?

First stop, the American Natural History Museum. Yes, it might seem odd that on such an amazing day, I holed myself up in a museum. But this excursion was planned well before we knew what weather would be had. And besides, we didn't think to bring a Frisbee and I was wearing heels. Accompanied by Nathan and Oscar, I was surely the envy of every woman as we strolled through exhibit after exhibit. We made our way through space, through the oceanic biosphere, and even through time...to visit the dinosaurs. That's when things really got interesting...or at least when the camera came out. Who knew that the camera brought out so much of the child in us. But then again, maybe it was the dinosaurs http://www.cbv.ns.ca/marigold/history/dinosaurs/dinosaurs.html.

After the museum visit, I basked in the fading sun reading. I felt as if I was in a movie where the main character (me) was at a point in her life where she was making important decisions that necessitated much thought. Decisions so important that forced her to stop reading, pull out her journal, and write her thoughts out in the middle of a busy plaza--despite a slight chill in the air.

Not long after, Adam came and rescued me from my thoughts. We headed to dinner at this Turkish place called Pasha...or something like that. According to Adam it was "red and sexy". And after dining there, I would have to agree. We had the most amazing meal that I still sometimes think about and crave. And for the first time, I tried lamb. I was hesitant to at first. I kept conjuring up images of baby lambs frolicking through a pretty field until Adam helped me to refocus. He told me that we were eating grown up lambs, not the baby lambs that farmers raise in boxes.

Dinner was followed by a vocal recital performed by one of Adam's friends. He actually plays for her while she rehearses so he was excited to hear the finished product. The recital hall was packed with students from Julliard and a bus load of members from her congregation. They drove up for her final recital to show their unwavering support. I thought it was really sweet...despite them not knowing when to clap (which is usually a pet peeve of mine). They were just so excited for her, that it was hard not to be excited right along with them...aside from the clapping in between movements and also during an actual piece. But I was feelin' it just the same.

Afterwards we sat out by the fountain in the middle of Lincoln Square and talked about whatever popped into our heads. With such beautiful weather, an elegant setting, and such fantastic company, it was a New York moment that I didn't want to end. But as with most good things, there is an end and so it was with this night. It finally got too cold to sit on the stone slab surrounding the fountain and so we headed home.

But during our stream of consciousness conversation we decided to "translate" some of the lyrics that were performed that evening. They were in German, French, and Italian. We didn't do so well with the German. Adam rocked at the Italian as he is fluent in Spanish. I was able to get bits and pieces here and there. And he did fairly well at the French. Below you will find a poem that we both fell in love with. Upon first read, we took things figuratively. But as we continued to study, we realized how literal the translation was. We were so shocked by our new found conclusion that all we could do was laugh. A perfect ending, in my mind, to a wonderful night...and day, for that matter.

I love New York!

Poem by Chalres Cros (1842-1888)

Trembling trees, starry sky
My beloved has gone away
Bearing with him my desolate heart.

Winds, let your plaintive noises
Let your songs, charming nightingales,
Tell him that I die.

The first night he came here,
My soul was at his mercy;
I no longer cared about my pride.

My glances were full of promise.
He took me into his trembling arms
And kissed me near the hair.

I felt a great quivering.
And then, I don't know how he became my lover.

I said to him: "You will love me
As long as you are able."
I never slept as well as in his arms.

But he, feeling his heart fade,
Left the other day
Without me, for a foreign land.

Since I no longer have my friend,
I will die in this pool, among
The flowers under the sleeping current.

Arriving on the shoreline,
I will speak his name to the wind,
In a dream that I await him there.

And like in a gilded shroud
With hair tousled at the wind's whim,
I will let myself go.

The happy hours of the past
will glimmer on my face,
And the green reeds will entrap me.

And my breast, shuddering under the caress
of their entwinement,
will believe it submits to the embrace of the one who left.

puppies...

I love animals. I think that they are absolutely amazing. I love going to the zoo. I love watching the Disocvery Channel or any sort of documentary on animals. I think that they are facinating and absolutely testify of the greatness of God, their creator.

However, I don't want a pet. While I would love to take care of it and have it cuddle up to me when I'm just laying around, I don't want one. Why? Because I will grow to love them and eventually they will die. That's the reason, take it or leave it. So the fact that I actually initiated this conversation with Adam, a good friend of mine, surprised me.

Earlier in the day, Valerie, another friend had sent me an email saying, "vote for my friend's puppy" and it gave me a link to look at pictures of cute little puppies from all over the place. Indeed, her friend's puppy was cute...but so were the others. After scrolling through these pictures for 5 minutes, I texted Adam. Below you will find our conversation that keeps me laughing even now, several hours later.

Me: I want a puppy

Adam: Bad idea! Put some more thought into that.

Me: What about a kitty?

Adam: WORSE!

Me: :) Do you hate animals or something?

Me: Wait! I don't want a pet. I will come to love it and then it will die!

Adam: They do in NYC.

Adam: Just get a...Painting.

Me: Oh! Sad. A picture huh? That made me laugh out loud.

Adam: Of course they die. So do flowers and people. That's never the reason to not get them.

Me: But that would be sad.

Adam: Yes, for a while and then you get a new one.

Me: No! Totally not like that! Who are you?

Adam: Someone who buys a new pet

It's always good to have a friend who tells it like it is....

my life's passion

For the past few days I have been enjoying the sights and sounds of Boston. It has been a bit rainy, slightly chilly and at times foggy. But instead of being turned off, I thought it added an appropriate feeling to this quaint, historic city. Every year the grantees of the DOE's Mentoring grant congregate at some location for the Annual Regional training. In my opinion, these are some of the most well put together trainings I have ever been to. I absolutely love these things. It is a time for recharging, gaining new knowledge, and reminding us of why we all do the work that we do. We love our kids!

Our keynote this morning, was a man by the name of Omar Jahwar, founder of Vision Regeneration http://http://www.visionregeneration.org/, a life shaping entity that is designed to "reshape" the lives of inner-city youth. Mr. Jahwar has the most fabulous approach to restructuring communities destroyed by gangs and youth violence. But more importantly, he changes and saves lives. He enlists THEM, the gang leaders (the OGs--I don't know what that means), to initiate the lengthy process of community change...and he has experienced success after success after success. Given my very limited, but real knowledge of gangs, I was absolutely blown away by this man. He was clearly passionate about his work and the youth he serves.

Yesterday we had another inspiring and passionate speaker named Charlie Applestein http://www.charliea.com. Before launching into his amazing pep talk he decided to share another bit of knowledge with us. Being from Boston he felt it his duty to "educate" us on correct Bostonian pronunciation of certain phrases. Instead of ChaRlie, it was Chah-lee; instead of "paRk the caR", it was "pock the caw". Informative, eh? Anyway, his experience was also in dealing with extremely difficult youth...mostly those who suffer from extreme emotional illness due to abuse, unstable relationships, and severe losses. His catch to developing healthy and meaningful relationships with any youth was summed up as this, "No such thing as a bad kid". It's a paradigm shift. It's about reframing. It's about using a strength-based approach. It's about commitment, follow through, endowing these kids with great possibilities. It's about seeing them the way they can be. Like one former client said, "You always treated me better than I am. And now I am better." Charlie also experienced success upon success. He had found his niche...his life passion.

And then there was Craig Bowman from Common Ground Consulting http://commongroundconsulting.org/. Although his session was centered on sustainability, he began by having us introduce ourselves and by then telling the group about one of our passions. It was hard to narrow it down to just one so I said, "my faith and the kids I work with." He then proceeded to connect the dots between passion and tapping into people's passions when searching for resources for sustainability. Very useful, very helpful information. And like the other presenters during the conference, he was visibly passionate about the work that he was doing.

But all this talk of passion and more importantly, the passion that I witnessed first hand, made me really start to think about my life's passions. Am I in the right field? Am I actively pursuing my passions? Does my behavior reflect that passion? Is that passion contagious?

And so, as I leave this conference, I will really try to figure out if I am truly tapping into my passion. I still believe that my greatest passions are my faith, my family, the kids with whom I work...but I will need to reflect upon whether or not those passions are actually evident to both myself and to others. And truthfully, then try to discover other passions that are just waiting, at the surface, to break though.

"There is nothing like a dream to create the future." --Victor Hugo

i had a little visitor

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I had a little visitor
I've had a little visitor.
He comes and goes as he pleases.

He never knocks, he never talks.
I don't even know when he's coming to visit.
Today I went to buy him a little home.
Two in fact.

I placed them in his favorite places.
And even left a little tempting treat.
It didn't take long for my visitor to come.
I think I saw him, but it was just a blur.

I waited and waited to see if he would like his home
......or if he would be tempted by my treats.
Then suddenly, without warning, there was a knock.
A bump, a knock, some scratching, and then nothing.

It comes and goes, just like before.
But it seems to be contained.
And now I hear him..every move he makes.
Now that he's in his little home, I feel a little guilty.

I tricked him!
But I can't live with him.
The uncertainty of it all is just too much.
I'm sorry, my little visitor.
But you came without asking.

I don't want you to return.
Soon, I will send you on your way.
It will be a better place.
One where you can come and go as you please.
A place where there will be treats unnumbered.
Maybe one day I will visit you.

UPDATE: The guilt over my little visitor didn't last long. I soon found out that it was not in its little home, but rather the radiator was making those strange sounds. Very soon after, however, I came home to find my little visitor sprawled out on the floor. It had gone to America where the streets are filled with cheese...My supervisor was kind enough to remove my little visitor. I, however, made the rounds filling holes, putting everything in containers and cleaning consistently.

Moral: Should you find yourself with an unexpected and unwelcomed visitor, just sing this little number, "Aqui no hay gatos en America y los calles son llenos con queso..."

pack it up, pack it in...

Usually when I plan a trip, things are actually planned. Tickets are purchased well in advance, seats are chosen as close to the front as possible for a quick get-away (aisle preferred), and I have a basic idea of what I would like my itinerary to consist. However, as the pace of life has continued to quicken and more things fill my plate, I find that old habits do sometimes die hard and that I'm not as prepared as I would like to be.

I'm flying to Boston tomorrow afternoon for an annual work conference. Boston, the home of the Celtics and the Red Sox, the arch enemy to our beloved Yankees. For three days I get to bask in continuing education and learn directly from the experts in the "World of Mentoring". I'm also hoping for a little down time to explore the city that I haven't visited for so long.

But unlike my former visits to Boston, there is still much that I have neglected. First, I don't even know where I am sitting on the plane. Someone else made my travel arrangements. Second, I have no idea where the hotel is nor anything that surrounds it. Third, I am not really even sure what time my flight leaves. How's that for unprepared?

And then there's the packing. For the last three hours I have been trying to pack--unsuccessfully, I might add. I put in a shirt, I throw in some shoes and then I'm distracted by the state of my room. I do a quick "straighten" and then get back to packing. I throw in some pants, some socks, and then I hear yelling from outside my window. Not that this is a strange occurrence, but I'm just curious. Below me are three police cars with flashing lights and a steadily growing group of loud and obnoxious human beings. From what I can tell, they must be intoxicated. Some men, some women, and some very foul language. How do they learn to use the same word as a noun, a verb, an adjective, and a preposition all in the same sentence? It's a talent, I suppose, that I will never master, nor have the desire to master.

Back to packing. I throw in my PJ's, some exercise clothes and then comes the hard part--my Ziploc bag full of necessities. Since airport regulations have changed, packing for a short weekend trip suddenly became very difficult. For how can you fit all of the "essentials" into one sandwich bag where the contents therein must be less than 3 oz? It's tough to negotiate. I figure the hotel will supply me with shampoo, conditioner, soap, and MAYBE lotion. I leave these at home. Throw in some make up, some perfume, some lip gloss, and my contact solution. I think I'm set. It still irks me, however, that they (whoever they are) have decided to dictate what they deem as essential for a quick trip. Surely, the final decision makers must have been men. And I'm not even high maintenance!

Oh well, the packing is done and I am off...now what time do I leave again???