dad

For the last week or so, memories of my Dad have been floating around in my mind. Some come from triggers, others just as randomly as the weather here--but memories still the same. Sometimes the ache is intense, causing me to loose my train of thought or forcing me to pause. Other times it is fleeting and distraction takes me away.

I constantly struggle with "what if's" and "should have's" but know that I should not. They are pointless and counterproductive. But I still think them.

I just realized, as I am typing this, that I have no digital photos of my dad. Suddenly digital photos seem so impersonal. Maybe I'm trying to fool myself into believing that they are impersonal. It distances me from the distance that separates me and my dad; a coping mechanism, if you will. The last picture I have of him is over 7 years old. Seven years is a long time...too long, sometimes. And I have years and years ahead of me. Eternity seems a long way off.

There are a lot of things that I don't understand about life. There are a lot of things that I don't understand about my life. But I am grateful for the gospel and for the knowledge that it provides...especially the promise of eternal families. That should really suffice, right? Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. Luckily, my testimony, no matter how strong or weak, always prevails.