For some reason, change terrifies me. No matter if it's good, bad, or something in between, I don't like it. I am usually the one who likes things predictable, planned, and stable. You would think that living in New York would either cure me of that or drive me crazy. The truth of the matter is, I love it. I love it so much that I can't bear the thought of leaving it right now. And yet, those are the thoughts that are swirling around in my head.
Ever since last September, the question of leaving has lingered in my mind. I have forcibly pushed it to the side time and time again. But recent events have caused it to take center stage. It seems as if a mass exodus is taking place this summer. And it isn't just any mass exodus, it is a mass exodus comprised of many people that I care about. People that I have known for up to 4 years are leaving. New jobs, marriage, or the allure of change is what is driving these moves. While happy for their decisions and the adventures that lie ahead for each, I am sad to see them go. But again, it has started me thinking once again.
The other day I was talking...OK "gchatting" with my good friend, Jared. He is one of those that is moving on. For some reason I took it upon myself to try to convince him to stay. I tried almost everything but beg (actually, I might have done that). Funny thing though, his points were all valid...and to some degree applied to me as well. Instead of me convincing him to stay, he got me thinking about leaving...more seriously than before.
Today I couldn't tell you one way or the other what I want to do or where I should be. I guess going back and forth is part of the whole process. To some extent, I just wish that someone else could make my decision for me. I wish that I could have the foresight to know which move I should be making and how it will change my life. Unfortunately, that is not how life works. So until then--until I "figure things out", I suppose I just need to move forward and not let myself get too comfortable. Hopefully one day I will have a better relationship with change. It would certainly make things easier...
