mariah carey y brian mcknight - whenever you call (live)

this one is dedicated to adam...ah, good times... :)

here we go again

Once again I spent the evening with a friend, helping him to pack up "his life" as he moves on. Granted, he will be returning for a few weeks in August, but shortly thereafter, he will have moved on to pursue a great opportunity that will most definitely advance his career. I realized last night, that I have gone through this process with several friends on several occassions. Moving on is a very natural part of life. The problem is, however, I get attached. While I am excited for their progression and opportunity, I am saddened by the natural change in our relationship, that takes place as a result. Yes, yes, I know it's a part of life. But it doens't mean that I have to like every bit of it.

But on the up side, I was able to go to his graduation and watch as he walked at this prestigious institution. We had a lovely walk trying to find a place to eat, consumed half of New York's water reserves while at dinner at a swanky little place called Cafeteria. I showed him the finer art of packing and managed to fit all of his belongings into the allotted space. And then enjoyed Man vs. Wild, a crazy show about a thrillseeker who tries to survive in the wilderness in various locations. Couple this evening with many other fun times and this is what friendships are made of. I guess people will always come and go...but the good thing about life is that the memories always remain.

give me a reason

10 Reasons New York Is Great:

1. We are actually experiencing spring weather! (Knock on wood!)

2. “Mad bad”, “mad sad”, and “mad hot”

3. Not having to find a parking space

4. Seeing your favorite hot spots in a movie

5. Kindness of strangers

6. Opportunity

7. Amazing people

8. Culture, culture, and culture

9. Any kind of food at almost any time of the day

10. Pay what you wish, Free days, and Free events

change stinks

For some reason, change terrifies me. No matter if it's good, bad, or something in between, I don't like it. I am usually the one who likes things predictable, planned, and stable. You would think that living in New York would either cure me of that or drive me crazy. The truth of the matter is, I love it. I love it so much that I can't bear the thought of leaving it right now. And yet, those are the thoughts that are swirling around in my head.

Ever since last September, the question of leaving has lingered in my mind. I have forcibly pushed it to the side time and time again. But recent events have caused it to take center stage. It seems as if a mass exodus is taking place this summer. And it isn't just any mass exodus, it is a mass exodus comprised of many people that I care about. People that I have known for up to 4 years are leaving. New jobs, marriage, or the allure of change is what is driving these moves. While happy for their decisions and the adventures that lie ahead for each, I am sad to see them go. But again, it has started me thinking once again.

The other day I was talking...OK "gchatting" with my good friend, Jared. He is one of those that is moving on. For some reason I took it upon myself to try to convince him to stay. I tried almost everything but beg (actually, I might have done that). Funny thing though, his points were all valid...and to some degree applied to me as well. Instead of me convincing him to stay, he got me thinking about leaving...more seriously than before.

Today I couldn't tell you one way or the other what I want to do or where I should be. I guess going back and forth is part of the whole process. To some extent, I just wish that someone else could make my decision for me. I wish that I could have the foresight to know which move I should be making and how it will change my life. Unfortunately, that is not how life works. So until then--until I "figure things out", I suppose I just need to move forward and not let myself get too comfortable. Hopefully one day I will have a better relationship with change. It would certainly make things easier...

dance party at 149th

Why in the world do we have to have a dance party every single night in front of my building? I just don't understand the logic...

And another thing, why the yelling? They're standing right next to you!

the greatest city in the world

In my opinion, albeit humble, New York City is one of the greatest cities in the world. Yes, I know, I haven't visited them all, but New York is absolutely one of a kind. For the last 4 years, I have called it home. I have loved it and I have hated it. It has completely energized me at times and at others, brought on exhaustion that I didn't feel possible. Yes, it has been an adventure and it has been a good one.

To some degree, these have been the 4 most difficult years of my life. I have experienced some of the greatest joys I have ever known. I have let myself be vulnerable. I have let myself trust. I have actually let others in. And I learned a great deal about life because of that. But as with most things, there is an opposite. And I have experienced that opposite. I have experienced some of the greatest disappointments that I have ever known. I have felt the betrayal of dear friends. I have tasted the bitterness of rejection. I have been lonely, sad, and without hope. My faith has been shaken; my beliefs have been questioned. I have seen dark times.

And yet, I survived. And with each experience, I learned something about the world and something about myself. No, life is never easy.

But as time goes by, I wonder if this is where I am supposed to be. I wonder if New York holds something for me, that I haven't yet discovered. I wonder if future experiences here are just what I need. I wonder if I will continue to have good times along with the bad. I wonder if I will survive more heartache and disappointment or if bliss will find me instead. I guess these are just things that are naturally a part of life; but I wonder if I am to experience them here in the city. And in the same breath, I also wonder if I am just done. The answer? I don't know. Where in the world do you go after you have lived in New York City?

things that i hate, yeah, hate

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER & SUBJECT TO CHANGE AT ANY TIME:

broken promises -- not having toilet paper -- bleeding to death -- racism -- stupid movies that win awards -- the others -- my building -- the fact that I pay so much to live in my building -- social worker salaries -- child abuse -- swearing -- unexpected change -- people who lie -- being excluded -- when people leave -- intolerance -- when people are sad -- people who are mean -- NY heat in the summer -- rodents -- R.O.U.S. in NYC -- writing a really long email, hitting the wrong key, and having it disappear -- needing someone -- looking for a job -- coming home to find a "wanted" poster on the door -- people who don't know they are ignorant -- not being able to fall asleep -- poop on the sidewalks -- poop outside the elevator -- Mormon Pop Music -- nightmares -- recurring nightmares -- workdays that move slowly -- the Patriot Act -- looking for an apartment -- stepping on a fish -- cankers -- having to wait in line so long at Rite Aid that I don't need my newly purchased umbrella anymore -- headaches -- good friends moving away

the secret

So I don't normally buy into popular fads. In fact, I usually mock them and refuse to participate just to say that I haven't. (Excluding, of course, Harry Potter. I did pretty well there. I didn't read any of the books for several years...until I saw the first movie and then I was hooked. I read all of the books, have seen all of the movies and am completely stoked about the upcoming movie and last book of the series.) And really, for all intensive purposes, this post doesn't provide any evidence, whatsoever, that I am buying into another fad of the day.

The Secret--it's a book written by some lady in Australia who claims to have discovered "the secret" to all of life's beauty, wonder, and riches. Among some circles, it's all the talk, and according to her book, everyone who is successful, happy, healthy, etc. has also discovered and is using "the secret".

A co-worker of mine picked up the book, read it in about 2 days, and immediately began to employ some of its "principles". To some extent, I think that there is a lot of truth to what is in there. I believe in the power of positive and optimistic thinking. I believe in the "law of attraction"--you get what you put out there, etc. But honestly, some of the things that this lady writes makes your eyes roll clear back to the other side of your head.

Well, I decided to read it. I'm halfway through and I'm less than halfway convinced. Keep in mind that it's all about my thoughts and my beliefs and that things will only work if I BELIEVE that they will. Straightaway, I am disqualifying myself from most of the benefits because I am reading through the lens of a cynic, but I read on still the same. From what I have read, I have concluded that the the book is a bit shallow. The author's definition of success is centered around having things--money, a big house, that sports car you've always dreamed of. Additionally, the book fails to--time and time again--acknowledge "free agency", the concept of God, and that sometimes life just happens the way that it does. Not everyone can self-heal blindness in 3 days. Perhaps it is a talent that I just lack. And to round it all out, I felt that the book's principles were a bit selfish. "Don't pay attention to people who are overweight...you don't want to be around them. Don't give away or sacrifice too much, you don't want it to hurt. Do things for yourself so that YOU are happy. Don't worry about anyone else, they can take care of themselves...." Again, it just left a bitter taste in my mouth. It was lacking in substance. But maybe it's because I found the author to be a bit lacking herself.

So I decide to do a little experiment. I decided to put it out there. The first experiment: money. We could all use a little more of that, right? Oh wait, "I have all the money I want. I am so happy that I have so much money. I love the way it feels to have this much money. Dear Universe, send me some money. I would like to start with 100K. Thank you, Universe, for sending me this money. " So that's what I did....sort of.

Walking home tonight, I decided that I wanted a little treat and Dunkin' Donuts is on the corner. "These donuts are perfect. They will absorb perfectly into my perfect being." I took forever choosing, but I got the Boston Creme--like I always do--and I was content. The lady who helped me then started to ask me if I wanted something else. Nope. I didn't. She persisted. So did I. But she kept going until she had almost asked me if I wanted one of everything that was left in the store at 9:00 at night. Finally, I relented and said that I would take another one, maybe for tomorrow. She looked pleased and then tried to get me to buy something else! I stood my ground. She then giggled and told me that she would give me another one for free. I told her that I didn't need it and that it was not necessary. But maybe she didn't understand NO tonight...or maybe she was trying to get rid of what was left so that she could go home early. I don't know. I just know that instead of 1 donut, I ended up with 4, two of which were free.

I left a little confused, not knowing what to make of this most recent episode--and then it hit me! It was the Secret in action. I had asked for 100K and I got 4 donuts for the price of 2. Not exactly comparable, but it's a start, right?

"See the money, want the money, be the money....I have the money." Now what am I going to do with 4 donuts?

tampa tales 2007

lamest pick-up line: "You wanna be my mentor?"

stupidest thing I did in Tampa: Rode home in a car from Clearwater Beach to Tampa knowing the driver had had a cocktail and 2 to 3 beers at dinner.

most random experience: Over the past two years I have traveled to several conferences across the nation and have probably met someone from every state in the union (I just wanted to say that.) But it is a rare find to meet someone from Utah. It just never happens. This trip, however, was definitely an exception. Not only did I meet one person from UT, but I met about 8 others. And what's more is that probably 6 of them were from the Provo/Orem area. Now how random is that?

"what the..." moment: I haven't watched American Idol since Ruben battled it out with Clay several seasons ago. However with my own personal television in front of me, I thought I would check out what the rest of the world (OK, America) was watching. It was one of those "elimination" episodes so there wasn't much singing, which I was disappointed about, but I stuck it through still the same. It was down to the last 5 minutes and Ryan Seacrest had Chris and Blake on the stage. Like usual, he was keeping the audience in suspense and was dragging it out. Then just as he was about to let us know who was being sent home ALL of the TVs on the plane went blank. Almost everyone on the plane went "OH!" or "What the..." and I just had to laugh. I knew exactly what they were watching and why the outcry. Luckily, the TV was dark for less than 30 seconds and we were still able to see that it was Chris that went home. Then just as he was singing his farewell song, the captain, bless his heart, began his slew of final announcements. It seemed as if he was taking his sweet time; which under any other circumstance, I wouldn't have minded--but this was one of the only performances of the evening! Suddenly, I remembered why I didn't watch TV....oh, and I don't have cable.

tampa tales 2006

So I just got back from a work conference in Tampa. All in all, it came and went by way too fast. I didn't have as much opportunity to explore this time as I did last time. But circumstances were slightly different. Because this story has become famous in many circles, I will let you all in on the events of my frist Tampa experience.

Last year, our Regional Conference for the DOE Mentoring Grant was held in Tampa, FL. I had never been to Florida....except for a layover so I was pretty excited. Although the last layover I had there, I had to comfort a woman and her two kids who had just returned from Costa Rica from a family vacation where her husband had died in a freak accident. That was not pleasant at all and still think about her to this day....

Anyway, one participant, who happend to be from NYC and who happened to be in my shuttle from the airport to the hotel, arranged a harbor cruise. Not the kind that the stake offers and traps you for three hours, but rather a Dolphin watching cruise, lasting only two. Needless to say, I signed up. As the conference got under way, we all ran into each other (the cruise participants) at different workshops and such and began to "bond".

Nothing could really prepare us, however, for the kind of bonding that we would soon experience. We started on our journey, excited to be outside and on the water. The weather was beautiful and we were among "friends". We saw lots of beautiful birds, but from a distance. They were part of a conservation habitat so we couldn't get too close. Still no dolphins. The tour guide was really knowledable and we could ask her anything and she usually had a response. But other than bouys and birds, we didn't see much of anything else. Disappointment set in as we reached our halfway mark and began our journey back to the harbor. No dolphins, what a pity. Then suddenly, as if right on cue, we saw two dolphins rise to the surface, come up for air, and then dart back into the water. They may have done it one more time, but I was fumbling for my camera and didn't see it.

Still hoping to see more dolphins we all kept our eyes peeled for another sighting. Again, all we saw were waves lapping against the boat and bouys floating in the distance. When we were about 30 minutes from the harbor, I looked over the side of the boat and saw a weird looking bouy. I looked a little closer and it registered as one of those blow up dolls that people use for pranks and such. But then I looked a little bit closer and realized that it was a person...a dead person at that. Several of us yelled at the same time to stop the boat. My first instinct was to hide. I hate death. So I made my way to the opposite side of the boat.

The captain immediately stopped the boat, but left one of the engines running. He called for the police, the coast guard, etc. He couldn't reach a single person. Several of us with cell phones made calls as well, but to no avail. No one was hearing our "may day". Then to our dismay, the body started to drift towards the boat. The engine that was still running, was pulling it under. The captain turned off the engine, jumped down from his elevated post and grabbed a long spearlike stick and began to push the body away. Quite frankly, I was afraid the body would pop, it looked so bloated. Luckily it didn't.

As we had just stumbled upon the "scene of a crime" the captain informed us that we needed to stay put until help arrived. And because he didn't want the body to drift any longer, we had to bring the body on board. Luckily, there were lots of people who weren't as squeemish as I. They stepped up to the plate and became the heros of the evening. A few passengers, along with the captain, pulled the bloated and discolored body out of the water and onto the back of the boat. I couldn't bring myself to watch this part. And to this day, I am really glad that I did. I have the most terrible memory for grotesque looking things....meaning, I will remember them forever.

And then the plot thickens. As the body was pulled from the water, they discovered that the man had shackles around his ankles. Immediately, we all assumed foul play and began to speculate how and why and where. Had this been a How to Host A Murder party, this might have been fun. But I couldn't shake the image of this poor man's bloated legs hanging off the end of the platform in the back. I could see the shackles and I could even see the hair on his legs. One more image that I cannot seem to erase.

The night ensued and so did darkness. We still hadn't been able to reach the police or the coast guard and so we just sat there, in the darkness, drifting in the ocean, among "stangers" with a deadbody on board...which happened to be next to the restrooms.

Finally, after about an hour of darkness, the police arrived. They had the awful task of transferring the body from our boat into theirs and securing it in a body bag. Again, I can't understand why I didn't turn away. I saw the whole thing. The ride back to the harbor was eerily silent.

Upon arrival at the dock, right outside our hotel, we weren't allowed to disembark. We all had to write down our personal information and were forced to stay on the boat until the list was completed in its entirety. We then exited the boat one by one and were immediately sent to 1 of 7 police officers for a brief interrogation. I wanted to really be interrogated like they did in the movies, but my questions were really simple and I didn't get anything interesting. I didn't even get to speculate what I thought had happened. Rather disappointing.

By that time several local news stations had acended upon our hotel. Bright lights, camerman and ladies in short business suits were anxiously awaiting an interview with a few of us. Me and my new friend Rene were interviewed. Rene went first and then I followed. We all decided to get dinner/drinks...well, I didn't drink, at the hotel restaurant. Conversation was a bit subdued and I don't think that any of us really ate that much. But it was good to be together. I don't think that any of us wanted to be alone. We then all gathered around the tv to watch our news debut. We ordered Death by Chocolate and it was absolutely heavenly (no pun intended).

The next few days we followed the news and little information had been discovered before we left. A few weeks later, someone in the group sent us all an email about an article that ran in one of the Tampa papers. The police had ruled it as a suicide. Apparently, they had found his abandoned car and a suicide note. I'm still a little suspicious if you ask me. But that was my first Tampa/Dolphin Watching experience. Yes, it was eventful, but not the kind of eventful that I was expecting...